Deep Cuts

My heart used to be heavier. Everywhere I go, I used to carry you around with me in my heart. You were a special person to me and I had a special place in my heart reserved just for you.  You were in my thoughts. Wait.. Let me rephrase that. YOU were my thoughts.

You were a beautiful dream and at one point, I almost believed it was real. You showed me the kind man in you and I thought ‘how caring you are..’. Because I haven’t met that many people who truly cared about me. You made me feel special. That’s when I was in deep trouble. I fell for you and you made me believe that you were falling for me too.

I cared about you more than my well-being and I was concerned about your career, your family, your health, and most importantly, I was concerned about your feelings. I regarded you as a great honorable man and I saw you as someone who was worthy of my time and utmost affection. When the world pinpointed every mistake you made, I believed you and trusted you; and I stood by you. I still do.

People do us wrong and we allow them to hurt us because sometimes we just love and love without any limits. We are willing to endure the pain for those we love endlessly. I guess that’s why love is both a strength and a weakness. You protect the ones you love and even when they are the reason for your broken heart, you never stop protecting their hearts. They matter so much and they means so much to you that you forget how important you are.

When your feelings are no longer respected by the person you love, no matter how important they are to you, you must tell your heart that it’s time to free your heart. You must protect yourself from the hurt they are putting you through and the heartache they keep bringing to you. You can’t carry someone in your heart, who keep slitting it to bleed on its own. You must free your heart and let it heal before it’s too late.

So when I say my heart is not heavy anymore, you know that you are no longer the special person to me that had a special place in my heart. You are someone who I thought was amazing but then turned out to be a bad bad memory. You are a song stuck in my head that I am trying to forget. You are a fading dream and  I remember less and less of you day by day. I carried you in my heart and I never thought I would have to cut all the attachments that I had tied myself to keep you. I can’t love someone who keep trying to open the ghostly doors to the past. I can’t love someone who doesn’t want to stay in my heart. I can’t love someone who shares their life with me yet still secretly loves another.

In response to the daily prompt today: Carry

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