Proud

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Proud.”

When was the last time someone told you they were proud of you?

Sadly, I haven’t heard it from people that many times in my life. Does that makes me sad? No. Does that makes me feel less validated and loved? No. Because I am proud of myself. Hearing it from someone else might be gratifying but not hearing it doesn’t make any difference to me either because I am sincerely proud of me.

No one knows better than yourself about what you have felt and been though in your lifetime. You know the breaking points you’ve hit at dark nights, how many times you thought you were a sinking ship but you’d always set your sails again and cruise right ahead. You know the amount of time and energy you have spent on trying to figure out who you are and what you want. Whether anyone tell you that they are proud of you or not, you have got to tell yourself each day that you are proud of yourself. Because as much as we’d like, sometimes there’s no one around to pat you in the back and say, “You got this, you amazing wonderful little human being.” Sometimes, you have to be the one to tell yourself that and keep going. Living is a continuous process.

I might be too young to say this but I am at a point in my life where I am proud of myself, what I do and who I am regardless of the validation I get from the society or family around me. But I can warmly recall the few times I was told that someone was proud of me. Few genuine words can make a great impact on a person.

Once my American mother said she was proud of me but I don’t remember why exactly she said so. I remember it made me happy hearing it, though. Kindly spoken genuine words are always a delight to the heart.  A few years ago, my father also said he was proud of me and it built up my confidence significantly at that point. My father is a big influence on my life and he used to believe in me so much when I first started off college and went to America when I was just 19. He always said that I was different from the rest in the family which is quite true. He believed in me and always encouraged me to go after what I want. He wasn’t afraid to show me off to others and he was proud to call me his daughter. He’d proudly introduce myself to his colleagues and friends. It helped me see value in myself. Now, after almost 6 years, things have changed so much. My father still has a big influence on me but I am not sure if he is still that proud of me. The reason I say that is because I personally feel as if I couldn’t really be what he expected from me. I couldn’t become what he wanted me to be.

I’m nothing big but a normal Language Teacher with a normal salary and I am not married nor has a relationship with a man. My father, on the other hand, wish I were more serious about relationships and were already settled. I know I have disappointed him in that way. However, I am content of what I have become and I know I have disappointed myself and others in the past but each day I am trying to be a better person and I am okay of not hearing people say that they are proud of me.

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