Why, Thank You?

Today’s daily prompt is, Why, Thank You? :

What’s the best (or rather, worst) backhanded compliment you’ve ever received? If you can’t think of any — when’s the last time someone paid you a compliment you didn’t actually deserve?

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I receive compliments every day. “You look pretty” “You are very smart” “you are so funny” “You’re beautiful.”

Nonetheless, the more compliments I am receiving, the more they mean nothing. I never really believe in compliments—unless they come from the 6 year olds in my classroom—because whenever they compliment what I’m wearing or how I look beautiful that day, I know these kids are not lying. Those compliments are coming from an honest place. Other times, I just have a mixed feeling about the compliments. I know I am a terrible person. I do say thank you and I appreciate it when people pay me a compliment. It does make me feel good—at times. However, I often have difficulties accepting the compliments and believing if they actually truly hold any meaning whatsoever. People, who I dated in the past, told me they loved me and would break up a few weeks later without any explanation and were found in a relationship with another girl 3 weeks later. I could tell you more; but, to put it simply, the experiences of my past have ruined my self-esteem in so many ways. Most words, compliments truly hold no meaning for me anymore. I am apathetic to those words and compliments.

I know most people who compliment me—in a good way—mean what they are saying, but I just don’t really think I deserve the compliments they are giving. Often, I feel the compliments are fake or forced or the people are saying them out of politeness—or, worse, pity. When someone tells me, “You look beautiful today”, the first thing that goes in my head is if I looked ugly on the other days. Before anyone claim that I am attention seeking or ungrateful, let me break this down for you. I’ve spent half my life trying to accept who I am and how I look. Fortunately, I am in a better place than I ever was. I’ve struggled and fought with myself since I was a kid because I always had people around me who made me question what true beauty of a woman is. I have had struggles in school and I’ve basically had struggles everywhere I went with the way I look. After so much of trauma and struggling for years, I am now content about how I look and have realized that a women’s true beauty doesn’t lie on how perfect her skin is or what size clothes she wears but rather in her heart and in her values. Today, I am at a better place and I am happy about the way I look in front of the mirror. I feel confident and I know I am beautiful. Not because people has told me so but because I saw it myself. I hate receiving compliments for my looks or appearance from another person as ridiculous as it sounds. Don’t ask me why because I am still trying to figure out the answer myself. Compliments only make me nervous and anxious. They make me uncomfortable.

On the other hand, I have so much respect for people who genuinely compliment me or others with good intentions as to make someone feel good. When the compliments are genuine, you just feel the sincerity and it will brighten up your mood and day instantaneously.

Sadly, I feel like I have built a force field against compliments in my own mind. If someone compliments me, I’ll say thank you but never absorb the compliment as if it’s truly meant anything. I’m sorry. On the contrary, I feel great when I know someone is genuinely complimenting me—but, that happens once in a blue moon because most compliments are just backhanded anyway.

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5 thoughts on “Why, Thank You?

  1. It’s hard, to trust sincerity after your heart has been wounded, I know how you feel as I’ve been there before. Maybe one day you will receive a compliment and the shield won’t be up 🙂

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