Three Things I Want in a Relationship

tumblr_n9o00zKMPQ1t44npqo1_400
Three Building Blocks for a Healthier Relationship.

A few days ago, someone on my Long Distance Relationship Advice Blog asked me to name three things that I want in a relationship. I gave it some thought and finally have come up with the most important three things that I want to have in a relationship. If you are already in a relationship and have the following three things I would be discussing later on this article, consider yourself as one hell of a lucky person. Similarly, if and when you are getting into a new relationship, consider discussing with your partner about what you want in a relationship and establish a strong base in advance, to ensure that you two have a safe place to nurture each other’s feelings and love. I hope this post helps you to realize what things you seek in a relationship. Before that, I want to tell you two things. I am, by any means, not a relationship expert and I write from my personal experience of the fair share of relationships that I have been in. Let’s dig in to the details!

Respect

I strongly refuse to be treated disrespectfully and I believe everyone deserve to be treated equally, not only in a relationship but as well as, in general. When it comes to relationships in particular, I do not like being treated wrongly in any form—and might I add, I wish I knew this better when I was younger. Now, at the first sign of disrespect and indecency, I grab my stuff and I’m half way out the door. No regrets. You do not need to put yourself down in order to feel loved and stay with someone. Love is not about settling. Being with someone must bring happiness and the best in ourselves and not lesson our value as an individual by any means. However, in order to receive respect, you must first learn to respect others. You must learn to—and be willing to—respect your partner so they will reward you in return with their respect. Respect is earned and thus your actions, behavior will ultimately count toward earning someone’s respect. It is surprising how some people are unaware and ignorant of the fact that most of their actions are disrespectful to their partners. To put it bluntly, if you respect a person, you would not do anything that would hurt their feelings. Period. No cheating, no name calling (there’s a fine line between teasing and purposely humiliating someone), no unanswered, ignored questions, calls, texts. If you aren’t willing to respect someone’s feelings then you should never enter a relationship because it isn’t fair to that person as they deserve someone who’s willing to respect them and listen to them.

Little ways to show that you respect your partner.

• Never let them down by belittling them—especially, in front of others. This will not only destroy their self-esteem but also will cause a great deal of permanent mental damage to their confidence.
• Be patient with your partner.
• Don’t hesitate to say sorry when you truly mean it. Saying sorry in a relationship, even when you aren’t the one who did wrong show that you are mature and strong enough to put your pride aside and be the one to bring peace into the relationship. Apologies aren’t a sign of weakness but strength.
• Never make them feel ignored, neglected and unloved. Reassure your partner from time to time to let them know how much he/she means to you.
• Be willing to listen to their opinions, thoughts and share yours with him/her. Both partners’ needs do matter in a relationship.
• Don’t resent them for something they did wrong. Instead, in a calm manner, bring it up and talk it out with your partner and tell them how their act and behavior made you upset and make sure it won’t happen again.
• Be forgiving. But that doesn’t mean you have to allow their mistakes to repeat.
• Show your respect not only in actions but with words as well, which means no physical or verbal abuse.
• Be there for your partner. He/she chose you for a reason. Don’t let them be disappointed for wrong reasons.
• Acknowledge and compliment your partner on his/her capabilities more often.
• Show them you value their input they put into the relationship.

Trust

I , wholeheartedly, believe that a good relationship is built on 100% utmost trust of two people. Remember when you told your best friend about a big secret that you never ever told anyone? Remember when you let in someone special to your deepest fears and felt like you shared a godamned piece of yourself with this person? The real question to ask yourself, perhaps, is why do we share our most personal secrets and thoughts with someone even when we don’t want to? I believe it is because, at the end of the day, the trust that we have built and maintained with these special people makes us vulnerable with them hoping that they would respect and keep out trust. When it comes to romantic relationships, however, trust is usually not given easily nor received. It needs to be built, earned and maintained in a slow process that requires both partner’s input. Let me explain this further.

A healthy relationship is naturally based and established on a mutual trust and, thus, is as strong as concrete. When you have a relationship that includes honesty, reliance and faith of both partners being truthful with each other, your relationship will survive the storms better and last longer. When two people fully trust each other, they have already established the basic ground for a healthier relationship knowing the rules, limits and each other’s boundaries to keep the relationship going forward—and strong. Without trust, any kind of relationship is bound to fail over the time—often, on bad terms. Also, without trust in a relationship, you or your partner will never truly be happy which will only lead you two to endless frustration and suffering. Eventually, this will only bring your relationship to the one place where you or your partner never expected to go—the dead-end.

For me, the first thing I expect from my partner when I’m in a relationship is, his trust in me and the relationship. He needs to be able to trust me and share himself with me on a comfortable level. As a woman who is open with my feelings and emotions, I also expect him to protect me with my vulnerability in return. I am naturally a giver and I like to share myself, my life with a partner on a deeper level than I normally do with other people in my life—on another note, this is where the intimacy of a relationship begins to set in. (Maybe we can talk about that in another post.)

In a world where technology has crept into the human lives majorly, people now have more than enough ways to break trust in relationships and excuses to back up their excuses. Yet, couples who have a deeper trust in each other will stay faithful to their partner regardless of the circumstances or tempting situations that arise—and believe me, your love and loyalty will be often put to test by life. I expect my partner to be up front with me about what matters and occasional reassurance does help a lot—right ladies? Trust is delicate and fragile. If you have a partner who trusts in you, never be the one to break it; END OF STORY. Most importantly, don’t let trust be damaged by the wrong—or for stupid reasons. As far as I know, jealousy is one of the common trust killers. Jealousy leads you to assumptions and then assumptions to false accusations—and boom!, a good relationship is suddenly bombard with tantrums flying in the air, each partner trying to prove themselves—by shouting—or in other non healthy ways. At this point neither of you would be willing to listen to each other and it will only cause more damage to the trust that you two have sacredly built over the time. While it is okay to be a little jealous at times, at the end of the day if you are always arguing with your partner about where he/she is going, who he/she was with at the last night’s party, demanding passwords to his/her social media and has trust issues, the trust in such relationship is questionable and need to be restored again with a lot of work.

All in all, one thing I definitely cherish about being in a relationship, is having a partner that I can fully trust who’s able to trust me in return. All I ask for in a relationship is, the guy to be honest with me and I will respect his trust with my heart until the day I die. When a guy initially expresses his interest in me, I never enter into a relationship unless I have enough trust in them to pursue an affair. Because, when I love someone, I need to share my secrets, feelings, emotions, memories and myself, openly and truthfully with my partner. This doesn’t mean I expect them to share all their deep secrets with me in return right away, unless they want to or are ready to—although, at some point I hope they are able to trust me on the same level as much as I trust them. If they end up breaking my trust, personally I believe that it tells me only one thing; they are undeserving of my trust and love.

Communication

Proper communication will solve a lot of questions, arguments and save your relationship from drowning it in a sea of misunderstanding and hurt. No matter how hard it is, two partners need to keep their communication open and crystal clear for each other. Now, open communication doesn’t mean staying glued to your partner’s hip 24 hours—although, some people are fine with it—and in that case, whatever makes you two happy! Ideally, both partners must make a safe and comfortable place for each other to come and express their emotions, feelings and to share each other’s needs openly; thus, leaving no body feeling ignored or neglected in the relationship. The importance of proper communication can be never stressed out enough because ultimately the happiness of two partners in a relationship depends on each partner’s needs being met and fulfilled. If you keep your communication close to your partner and expect him/her to communicate with you, it won’t work. A relationship is not a place for your convenience. It’s a place to love and be loved.

I have seen several good relationships of my friends and family often fail only because the two partners had failed to communicate properly and effectively with each other. While some healthy space is necessary in every relationship, the space should be no greater than the love the two people share for each other. So allow some space for each other and if you need space, never be afraid to communicate with your partner and ask for it. They should be understanding and be able to respect your feelings. But if you keep everything to yourself and be closed off to your partner, don’t expect them to read your mind and meet your unspoken needs. If you are a partner who communicates openly and maintains a well-balanced contact with your companion, hats off to you! I have been in my share of relationships and looking back, I know what I want in my now relationship; proper Communication. You don’t have to talk, text or call me 24 hours. But communicating with me in an adequate way, responding to my texts, calls and as long as we have no secrets, we are good.

Pheeeeeew!There you go. That sums up my post and the three things what I want in a relationship! Relationships are not a walk in the park. But that doesn’t mean you have to endure constant pain to be in one. But, rather, a good relationship consists of more good things outweighing the bad. If you are committed to a person, then stay faithful, trust them and respect their feelings. Personally, I believe if you aren’t willing to give the three points I mentioned above to another person, you aren’t ready to be in a relationship, for now.

If you think I missed any thing in my article, please share your thoughts!
What three things do you want in a relationship? Comment below! 🙂

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Three Things I Want in a Relationship

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s